:: THE JUSTDONAL GLORY DAYS

I was only talking to Strictly Jonathan over the weekend about the times when Viva La Pablo, Basically Brian, Ill Signe, and ourselves captivated the imaginations of so many with a little website called ::JUSTDonal.

In honour of our columnist past and present here are some of the best bits:

BASIALLY BRIAN: The Ms. Lyons Profile
MmmmmmmmmmmmmmmThis was my own personal favorite, and one I personally devised. One of us usually me or PJ would start by making a loud mmmmmmmmmmm sound, when she looked up I'd stop, when she'd look down mmmmmmmm, she'd look up I'd stop. This went on for about 4 rounds, at which time with a degree of confidence as to who the offender was she would send the wink. She would wait and stare confident that she had you, there was no way you could make that irritating sound because she was watching, she had won...then mmmmmmmm PJ, Kate, Daragh, Donal, somebody would take up the baton, the process would begin again, once that person was caught on to the next, that gave us hours of fun.

Noreen?We once managed to coerce out of her her first name, it was Noreen. Doug, always particularly fond of calling teachers by their first name (Peadar, Lisa, Declan, Sean, he stopped short of Ronnie or Raymo though) then started calling her Noreen. This was the one time she lost it, she didn't like it one bit and was so mad we never dared to do it again.

VIVA LA PABLO: From the columist who hopes he remembers how to do this

I asked JustDonal about his bands music, he told me he wanted the music to do the talking, then he told me his first album is called 'This is shit'.

Ever since Basically Brian and Jessika broke up he has but on a lot of weight, were thinking of changing his nickname to 'one ton and no fun.'

Known Nazi Catriona was very moved by Dr. Martin Luther King's anniversary 'I can't believe he grew up to be a doctor and a king!'

Known Nazi Catriona told me why she failed her driving test 'he asked me the difference between left and right, I told him I only know the difference between top and bottom.'

You know how Dog is to puppy

as

Cat is to Kitten

Well,

Alexander the Great is to 'wept when there were no more lands left to conquer'

as

Aoife Roberts is to 'slept when there were no more guys to bonk her'

Sorry Aoife I haven't talked to you in ages so I thought a crass inappropiate joke would be beneficial.

Whilst I was gone I decided it would be cool to send some questions along with my Xmas cards and I was really shocked by everyone who wrote back...

Seeing as your all so political and sharp(sic), George W Bush's nomination of Samuel Alito will be...

Brian said 'more difficult then that of John Roberts'

Daragh Mac said 'a great display of political debate'

Shambo said 'the new Harry Potter film?'

I'll never love anyone as much as I love...

Catriona said 'my dog'

Donal said 'my shit music'

VivaLaPablo said 'my cake'

When I saw Brokeback Mountain...

Aoife Roberts said 'cried'

Jonathan said 'I new I was watching something great'

JustDonal said 'Wondered who stole my diary'

My first crush was...

Keogh said 'Arabella'

Aoife Kinsella said 'VivaLaPablo'

Catriona said 'the male population of Ireland'

'06 is...

JustDonal said 'a vital year for JustDonal'

Katus said 'an opportunity to grow closer with my friends'

Shambo said 'my IQ'

The worst present I got this year was...

Roisin said 'a pair of socks'

JustDonal said 'my latest album'

Stevie Wonder said 'it feels like JustDonal's latest album'

The Greatest Invention of the past 10 years is...

PJ said 'Vodka and RedBull'

Andrea said 'the iPod'

JustDonal said 'the rumour that I'm straight'

I've always tried to...

Jonathan said 'do what I love most'

Jessika said 'be different, it's more interesting'

Doug said 'remain unclean'

I'll become a mother when...

Kate said 'I find my soulmate'

Aoife Nathan said 'I feel responsible enough'

Catriona said 'the condom breaks'

God Donie got a terrible bashing there, so did Cat, o well it's not like anyone would try to sue me for writing a simple column...........

ILL SIGNE: That Sylvia Plath one is a bit of a hero
Ok, ok, i'll tell ya one story from Lithuania.

I'll set the scene- we had just left the hotel on our very first night-time outing in Vilnius. The decision about where we would go was heavily influenced by Paul and (the other) Eoin who were keen on watching a few titties bounce around. So me and Iano begrudgingly allowed them to drag us to a strip club. "Just for one" we said, course we did.
As we entered throught he thick shiny, black, metal door with a NO GUNS sign on the wall beside it Paul felt his Pervy sense kick in and bursted out with "This is no strip club, this is a brothel(and a sham and a fix...and a farce.)"
Right so it cost us over 20 euros each to get in, thats a full night out in Vilnius, and then thems brassers swarmed on us.
There was a menu and everything,great service.
Oh it was horrible, tits and snatches everywhere. You couldn't swing a cat in that place without it ending stuck in something. God it was horrific. So anyway me and Iano left. Jibbed it. Without paying for our drinks might i add.
Now from here on in the exact details of what ahppened next are not quite clear but from what i heard (the other)Eoin ran out of money and foolishly fell for it when one of the Rugs told him she'd follow him to the hotel and do him for free. Al he had to do was leave and she's follow him. He did.She didn't.
Viva La PAblo on the other hand was a totally different kettle of fish...he stayed,oh how he did stay.
He disputes certain points of this story but the way it's told now is that...
He fell asleep in a brothel,while on top.
Even UEFA know about it at this stage.
Ok he wasn't on top but he did fall asleep on his own for close to one whole hour and the brassers just sat there and laughed at him while taking from his pockets. I'll let him tell you all about what he got stuck in on the last night.I could never describe the fear without actually being there.

STRICTLY JONATHAN-

Well You’re A Star is still going strong. The acts left aren’t the best though. I’m backing the McCauls. I don’t even like them but they’re the best of a bad bunch. Linda got it right when she said they have an image problem though.

Heres what I propose for Joseph..He has freckles and is pale so I think some fake tan would do him the world of good. I would propose getting the tan properly but with his pale complexion he would burn and probably look worse.

He could do with a trip to Specsavers. Nerdy glasses and eurovision are two things that don’t go together. There has been no Eurovision winners that wore glasses to my recollection. I propose some tinted contact lenses to give him nice crystal blue eyes.
He needs to dye his hair brown or blond. He might be able to pull off the blond if he was tanned, perhaps some caramel tips ( recently sported by ::JUSTDonal:: ). He could do with a bit of length in his hair too.

All the love!